Unravel at the edge
by amazingmaryjane
Summary: Mary Jane is forced to confront her memories and her decision to make that fateful deal that erased her marriage to Peter. With Peter's Aunt May now terminally ill, they soon remembered everything from their deal with Mephisto.


The whole ordeal left her shaken. It felt like someone had pulled the rug under her feet and Mary Jane's whole world felt shattered. This carefully built life that she made for herself after her break up with Peter and their almost marriage was now completely shattered. MJ felt like she was living another lie and it was just now lies upon lies.

She made peace with the knowledge that their love was not enough to make their relationship work. That they were just two different people and although she helped Peter deal with Gwen's death and he helped her grow up a little more, they were not meant to be. Their lives were on two different tracks never meant to converge and Mary Jane, after a while, was okay with that. So long as Peter was in her life in some shape or form, Mary Jane could settle for just being a friend.

Then Peter came to her door one night, talking about how much he needed her, how she was the love of his life and he wanted to give this whole thing another go. After her return from Chicago and the whole fiasco working for Tony Stark, the two of them settled into a comfortable friendship, but the pull and the desire of something more was always there.

Maybe MJ was just tired of fighting that pull and desire. Maybe the way Peter came back to her straight from some battle New York was in again (covered in green slime, dirty and a bit of blood) as if she was the only person he waned to see right then and there that caused a moment of weakness for MJ. Or, maybe it was his proclamation of love and his words about needing her that caused Mary Jane to throw herself at him, tell him to shut up and kiss him. Really, when Peter Parker says he needs you (especially when he was at his lowest), how do you say no to that?

Regardless of the reason, she said yes and their relationship worked. Despite the disappointments and the worries, Mary Jane made it work. For love and for Peter, Mary Jane made it work, even at the cost of her sanity and her life. It turns out, there was nothing MJ wouldn't do for Peter.

This though, of all the things the two of them have been through. Of all the things Peter's double life has put them through, this one takes the cake. This was the worst thing that could have ever happened to them and Mary Jane didn't know how to reconcile with it. How do you even make sense of the fact that a good chunk of your life was taken from you and for what?

Peter and Mary Jane made a deal with the devil to save his dying aunt and it was all coming back to them. The deal, every moment that lead up to it, every feeling Mary Jane had during the time, and everything in between. It hit her like a tsunami, the feeling so overwhelming that when she felt it, there was a moment where Mary Jane struggled to breathe. As if her whole world just came crashing down on her and this false sense of security was ripped from her.

She wanted to yell, to scream and to blame Peter for all of this. For their marriage being taken from them. For a good part of their lives taken from them. They had shared a life together. At one point they were a family. She was Mary Jane Watson-Parker, an identity she wanted but could never have because of Peter's double life. As it turned out, she was Mary Jane Watson-Parker, but thanks to that deal it was erased.

If Peter hadn't revealed himself to the public because he felt a responsibility to the truth then his enemies wouldn't know who he was. Aunt May wouldn't have gotten shot, Mary Jane wouldn't have feared for the life of her Aunt Anna and they wouldn't have had to make a deal with Mephisto. But no, it wasn't all Peter's fault.

Deep down, Mary Jane knew that it wasn't Peter's fault. MJ could simply no longer live with Peter's double life that seemed to also consume hers. She could no longer live with the knowledge they had lost a daughter and she was never able to fully grieve for their lost child. It was either run away again and leave Peter or pick herself back up and set it aside to help Peter with his own demons.

It wasn't all Peter's fault though. The conceited and scared part of her wanted to put all the blame on him, but it was never completely his fault. He was an attentive and loving husband. A man with integrity who she knew would drop anything and everything for her. She knew that all she had to do was ask and Peter would give up being Spider-Man for her.

No, it wasn't completely his fault. Mary Jane never told him how she continued to feel after losing their daughter. She never told him how it continued to eat her up inside despite all their happy moments. How she would hear phantom cries of a baby she never even heard take a breath or the fact that every time Peter would utter the name 'May', MJ would think about their baby. A little girl she imagined in her head over and over growing as the days passed. Her fiery red hair equal to that of her personality that she, of course, inherited from her mother. Her passionate brown eyes staring at her and often reminding her of Peter, especially whenever Peter would go on a tangent about some sort of scientific invention he made.

Mary Jane was a great actress. She was good at hiding how she really felt about everything. She was so good she even hid it from her husband who knew everything about her.

Maybe if she had told him how she really felt. Maybe if she told him she was struggling with the loss of their daughter, she would have dealt with her grief better and wouldn't have felt some need to find some cosmic restart and would have been able to fight harder for them. To convince Peter that May wouldn't have wanted them to make a deal with the devil.

Mary Jane remembered wrestling with the whole thing. Thinking about what this meant for them and why she should agree to it. Aside from needing an escape from her grief, Mary Jane already knew that if they didn't agree she wouldn't have Peter anyways. She already saw it as if her life was flashing before her eyes. Peter let his Aunt May die, the guilt of all of it eating him alive. He was responsible for another death. A death he could have prevented this time around. Peter would just be an empty shell and they would have eventually lead to a divorce. MJ would have become the very thing she tried to run away from; what she promised herself she would never become.

She took every precaution to distance herself from the same fate her mother and sister befell. Avoided all serious relationships that could lead her towards that. Made sure every man she was interested knew she was no one's girl and that she was only out to have fun. Mary Jane Watson was the life of the party and nothing more. It was a carefully built defence mechanism to protect herself from disappointment. From trusting the wrong people.

Peter was supposed to be different and he was. He showed her how different her life could be. That she could break that cycle of abuse her mother and sister found themselves in. Most of all, Peter taught her how to stop running when things got too tough. Peter was perfect. Ever since she found out his secret when she was fourteen, Peter proved to her that he was never going to hurt her in the way her father did. He was a good man who felt too much, who considered every single person his responsibility and that was where the problem was.

Aunt May's death would have been the final nail in the coffin of what was their marriage and Peter Parker. Their love wouldn't have been enough to save him. So long as he kept believing it was his fault by trying to do the right thing, Peter was never going to recover from this. The very reason she loved him, his unyielding resolve in protecting everyone making everyone his responsibility, was going to be the very reason their marriage would have fallen apart.

In order to protect herself from that and to protect Peter, Mary Jane made the choice. She made the choice to go ahead with the deal. To help ease Peter's mind. A reset of their relationship was better than a failed marriage and besides, she would have forgotten everything, wouldn't she? Even if she didn't, MJ made sure Mephisto would have Peter forget so he could live a happy life. Giving Peter more time with his aunt was the greatest gift she could ever give the man she loved.

"Mary Jane, I'm so sorry," she heard Peter whisper, his voice breaking as he stared at her pleadingly.

Mary Jane had to look away from him. The look he was giving her was causing her to break even more. She could see every single emotion he was feeling in his eyes. She didn't need words to know that Peter was taking this harder than her. Not because he loved her more than she, but because MJ knew he blamed himself completely for the deal. She knew he blamed himself for agreeing to give up their marriage. For being bitten by a radioactive spider, for becoming Spider-Man, for revealing his identity to the public because he thought it was the right thing to do. He blamed himself for everything.

"I know, Peter. I know," she whispered, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself. She needed comfort and the only person she wanted comfort from right now, was herself. "Go be with your Aunt May. She needs you right now." MJ stepped back, the added distance between them giving her enough courage to look at him. "I'll still be here. I just... need time right now."

* * *

A/N: Basically, fuck OMD.


End file.
